Thursday, October 24, 2013

Worries and fears: the crazy-mom pregnancy version.

Lately I've found myself worrying/thinking/obsessing about issues related to being pregnant and/or when our little man arrives. I don't think I'm a worried person by nature - I'm more of a "planner" - but feeling "out of control" of so many aspects of life right now is probably triggering all of this.

First, I worry that I'm gaining too much weight, combined with not eating healthy enough. Everyone tells me "you look great!" ALLLL the time, but I know what I look like under these cute maternity jeans and tops. :-P My thighs are expanding, my boobs are HUGE, my back/chest breakout sometimes, and my tight "runners butt" is just not what it used to be. I feel guilty most days for not eating vegetables (anyone who knows me, knows I don't eat them, and never have) and indulging in cravings too often. Besides the fact that I'm likely actually right on track with gaining weight and shouldn't worry, I do worry because I have 2 1/2 months left to go, and in my head I tell myself I can only gain X amount and still be within the "healthy" range suggested by the doctor. Mind you, I haven't been told this by my own doctor, this is just in my own head.

That brings me to the next issue, sort of related, of gestational diabetes. My glucose tolerance test is next Tuesday and I'm so stressed out about it. I'm psyching myself out that I won't pass. Not only did I have PCOS before getting pregnant - which is a glucose issue I took meds for - but I eat sweets a lot more since being pregnant (those darn cravings). I know, I just need to wait until I see what happens, but it's hard. I'm such a picky eater, that if I have to drastically change my diet I will not do very well.

I'm trying to not put the cart before the horse, but ... sigh. Easier said than done.

Moving on to baby-related fears, at the top of my list is figuring out child care when I go back to work after he's born. I don't have anyone I know of, who lives here, that can watch him full-time. Three years ago, different story... I had lots of Air Force wife friends that didn't work, who would've been perfect for it! But now they've all either moved away or have their own babies. What to do, what to do. This is such a HUGE decision in my mind, I just want to cry thinking about how important it is, as well as the fact that we have to make such an important decision for someone else's life.

I'm a psychology major and have done enough research to know how important early-childhood is in the context of a lifetime. It's major. And the child care/primary care giver relationship is just so, so, critical to a child, it really overwhelms me to the max.

Sure, the best option would be for me to be able to stay home and watch him. But that's not happening, at least not for several years. So is the next-best option day care or hiring a nanny to be at home three days a week? I've thought long and hard about each one, and at the moment, I'm leaning towards a nanny, even though paying one for 3 days a week is the same amount as 5 days a week of daycare. But maybe it's worth it, to keep him home longer. I think when he's older (a year +), day care will be a great choice for his development and socialization, that's not an issue. My issue is sending a 2 month old to a cold, loud, day care?? My heart hurts just thinking about it.

Oh my goodness, I can't imagine where this will go if I don't get my worries and fears under control. I know what I need to do, but it's a constant battle to reign my mind in before it snowballs outta control. I'm not looking for advice necessarily, just a forum for voicing how I feel. I know, that when I think ahead to a few years from now, this will all be a blip on the radar and our son will be a happy, healthy and well-adjusted human being. :-)

I know I'm not going to ruin him if I eat a piece of cake or send him to day care earlier than other kids. I know this is gonna be harder on me than it is on him. I know all he needs is loving parents who try their best, and who take care of themselves so that they can take care of him. I know everything will be ok. But for now, I'm worried, and I think that's ok too.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Whoah, baby.

It amazes me the things the human body is capable of doing. This pregnancy was a miracle from the beginning, and now the way my body is changing seems miraculous. Haha! I am well aware of the three + months remaining and the stretching that is yet to come. It just blows my mind.

Here's a little visual of the past few months:

Weeks 15, 18, 21, 25
I am really excited to be headed into the third trimester soon. Speaking of... I've read different dates on when that starts, so what's the final word on the third tri? My baby book moves to the third tri on week 25, and some places online it says 27 or 28. Confusing!!

  • A few weeks ago we had a little scare and spent a few hours in the hospital (at the end of week 21). I was just sitting on the couch and my belly started to hurt, and over about 15 minutes it kept progressing until I was in tears and couldn't hardly move, talk, or breathe. It was higher, the upper half of my belly, not low, so it didn't feel like round ligament pain. It felt like a Charlie horse in my stomach that lasted about 30 minutes. I had Eric call his mom (a midwife) and she asked me some questions and I attempted to answer them... she eventually suggested we just go to the hospital. So my poor husband got a trial run in a high-speed race to the hospital way too early! We were both scared, but of course as soon as I got admitted to my room the pain had stopped. We got some peace of mind with a heart rate monitor and ultrasound. Everything was FINE with our little man, thank God. Super weird, and I hope it never happens again. My OB said it was probably the uterus contracting or gas (??).
  • Lots of normal RLP in the past few weeks, definitely low and comes and goes.
  • I had a horrible sinus infection/chest cold a couple of weeks ago. Everything is exaggerated 100x when pregnant. I got some antibiotics which helped, but I am still dealing with the sinus/stuffiness now, two weeks later.
  • Boobs are officially DD and I had to buy new bras to accommodate those suckers. Not very comfy but I anticipate them only getting bigger!
  • It's not easy to love my expanding body parts, but it's super easy to love the little man inside.
  • I scheduled a 3D/4D ultrasound for October 31st! I'm a little nervous, but have been dying to see what he looks like, so I'm also really excited! I think it's cool that we'll get a DVD of the whole thing too.
  • We have pretty much finished the nursery, except for one wall I need to get some frames for! I made one of those yarn-wrapped big letters for his first name (Pinterest inspired!) for the center and will put some random frames around it, collage-style.

SUPER comfy nursery chair!

Coming soon: Headed to Indiana next weekend to visit my parents and nephew (yay!), 3D ultrasound, glucose test (nervous!), and the baby shower!