Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Year number 27

Today I'm turning the big 2-7! It's muh birthday people! :)

I just wanted to write a quick note and say how grateful I am for the years I've been given, for the life that I have, friends, family, and health. I don't deserve half of it.

This morning I got up early and went on a 5-mile run to kick off my 27th year. I don't take that for granted. My life hasn't been perfect, but I have been very blessed.

Cheers to a new year full of love, life, laughter and endless possibilities!

“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.”

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Round one = Infertility 1, Baby 0

Well friends, we find ourselves in round two of the fight for a baby. Actually it's more like round 22, but who's counting?!?

I will admit, I think I knew in my head that getting pregnant on one try (of seeing the specialist) was probably not going to happen. But there is always that part of me that hopes it will happen. I think the worst part is having to break it to Eric. He is always positive and holds on to hope until I give him the news. It breaks my heart every time, and I go through the whole round of emotions of feeling like I can't give him something he totally deserves. I have to remind myself that this is not anyones fault, and that this is what God has planned for us right now in our lives. But I'm not deying that it's hard. Really hard.

One of these days, I'm going to have to figure out a cute way to give him the best news of his life. I'm still waiting for that day. :-)

While you're in that two-week window after ovulation and before you can take a pregnancy test, as it gets closer to that 28, 29, 30 day mark I feel like I'm almost literally listening to my body to try and decipher what its doing. Do I feel like my period is starting or is that how it feels to be pregnant? Your mind plays tricks on you, and it is the most torturous two weeks of the month.

So, round one = Infertility 1, Baby 0.

I've already been back to the doctor for my two ultrasounds on days 3 and 10, taken the Letrozole, and this Thursday I have to do the Ovidrel shot. And then we wait. Again.

I am a planner by nature, and Eric and I talked about our "plan" of action, and it feels good to sort of know what we want to do in the coming months. In the back of my mind I know I need to give my body a break at some point, especially since I think my body hates me right about now. I was on antibiotics for 20 days of the past 30 days of June for strep throat/sinus infection and my body has felt really run down. But I don't feel ready to take a break quite yet, especially since we just started with the specialist. I also know that the actions we're taking now are not even anywhere near as aggressive as we can go -- with more medications, treatments, etc. So knowing how I feel now is slightly intimidating for what I might be feeling in the future as this continues.

So our "plan" so far is that this month will be the last time we'll continue as we are. Starting  September (may not be able to do it in August because I'll be traveling a bit for work - so I might not be able to make doctor appointments) we will start with the IUIs for probably three months -- Sept/Oct/Nov. IF we are still unsuccessful by the end of this year, I am taking a break. Like, at least a 4 or 5 month break. Of course, I'm going to talk to the doctor and see what he thinks, but that is my plan for now. Besides the fact that sometimes the magic happens when couples have tried for years and then stop "trying", which I hate to really believe, but am willing to consider a possibility (anything is a possibility at this point). And by break I mean a COMPLETE break. No medication at all. No timing my periods/ovulation. Just stop, relax, enjoy, and pretend for a few months that we're actually not trying. I'm not sure if that is entirely possible, but I'm gonna give it my best shot.

And yes, in the past month I've gotten two announcements in the mail for family members who've had babies. Let's not even talk about the amount there are on Facebook or my local friends who are both pregnant with girls. I mean, hello, Adele is pregnant too!! I stopped comparing myself to others a while ago, and I'm not about to start now. Our time will come. And I'm so glad I'm not the one deciding when that day will be. I just have to take one step at a time and do what is right in front of me. I can handle that.