Monday, March 19, 2012

The dirty details

So I don't know if I've ever really gone into the details of what we're doing to try and get pregnant, other than saying I'm taking medication. I just caught up on my blogs this morning, and saw that Kelly at Kelly's Korner posted a link-up thing for people struggling with infertility. While I didn't link up, I was so encouraged reading over a few of the blogs. I really realized that I'm not alone in all of this.

This struggle is one of those things that you just don't understand until you've gone through it. Isn't that true with most anything in life? Pain, heartache and struggle are often blessings in disguise. After having gone through a struggle yourself, you can empathize with someone else who is struggling. That is something I do not take for granted, and often remind myself of that positive aspect that has come out of this whole ordeal.

Anyway, back in December I switched OBGYN's because I wasn't happy with my current one. My new doctor has been awesome, and I feel like I get a lot more feedback and support. One of the things he pointed out was how my dose of Clomid can be adjusted depending on my levels of progesterone. I'd been on Clomid for three months and my first doctor never got me tested to see if the dose needed to be changed! I couldn't believe it!

So, December I got my first 21-day progesterone level test. I knew I wasn't ovulating on my own, but really didn't know why. I was currently on 50mg of Clomid. The new doctor told me a "good" level of progesterone is around 10-15.

My first test came back. My level was .07. I was in shock and quickly went into a downward spiral of discouragement and disbelief. I couldn't believe we never knew this and had been wasting months of precious time. I couldn't believe my body was being so difficult and refusing to work.

But, after that I gathered myself up and my doctor increased my dose to 100mg in January. The next test came back at 6.8!! I was so excited. This was the first good news I'd had in months. Still not where we needed to be, but I was so encouraged just to know the process seemed to be working.

February rolled around, he increased the dose to 150mg - which is the highest he said he would go. Also, he originally said I could only be on Clomid for 6 months before having to switch to a specialist for other options. So this month was month 6, so I was nervous. I was so frustrated that we wasted the first three months without any feedback, because now we were finally getting somewhere and we'd have to stop!

My levels came back in February at 11.8!! Slowly  but surely, I felt we were gaining momentum. YAY!

Just last week, after the second month at the high dose of 150mg, my levels came back at a record-breaking 18.6. This is way above  the 10-15 mark the doctor said was good! I was beyond stoked. I had an appointment a week or two ago, and we talked about staying on Clomid for another 3 months just to allow it to work now that we're finally in a good place. He said that is ok. So now, I'll continue doing what we're doing until July, at which time he's going to refer me to a fertility specialist to probably have an IUI.

I am simply thanking God that I have had such encouraging news latley, and that my heart finally is opening up to a glimmer of hope for the future.

You know, a LOT of people like to say that we should just stop trying and it'll happen... to stop "worrying"... that as soon as we take a break from "trying" we'll get pregnant. I love those people, I really do... but I really wish I could slap some duct tape over their mouth every time they say that. That is like saying to someone to ignore the itch of an ant bite on their foot, or just stop thinking about their migraine and it will just go away. Really. That is nigh on impossible.

Right now, I'm just working on getting my heart in the right place. Like I talked about a few days ago, hope is what I'm striving for. I'm getting there. I no longer think that I can make this happen on my own. I'm simply doing one thing after the next that's in front of me, trusting at every turn. I realize it's out of my control. But I truly believe God is teaching me some life-changing lessons throughout this, and I wouldn't want to miss out on those for anything!

4 comments:

  1. I'm so happy you found something that's working for you!! I was just reading through the blogs on Kelly's link ups too! It helps to hear other stories and perspectives.

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  2. You go girl. Triplets on the way, right??? heh heh!! (okay...TWINS then!??) :)

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  3. Well said! Sounds like we are in the same place. My OB said we would do Clomid for 3 months and if that wasn't working then she'd switch me to an infertility clinic. Well, I'm on month 3 and have an appointment scheduled at the infertility place on April 11th. Hoping and praying I get the opportunity to cancel that appointment! My body works perfetly. I ovulate regularly with or without drugs and all of my "numbers" have come back normal. I am assuming I am headed down the unexplained infertility diagnosis. Sigh. Have you had the FSH test done? I think they have to do it on day 3 of your cycle and it tests the quantity(?) quality(?) of your egg reserve? Best of luck! Thinking happy thoughts for you..

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  4. I feel your pain...I'm on my 4th round of clomid (2nd with my new dr.)...I'm now just trying to trust gods timing.

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