Monday, October 31, 2011

Crazy is as crazy does

Well, I bit the bullet and signed up for another half marathon!

Just two days after Thanksgiving, November 27th at 6:15AM - the Space Coast Half Marathon (+ Marathon). It's the oldest race in Florida, and is also a qualifying race for the Boston Marathon!

The course is along Riverside Drive, which ironically is where my friend Jen and I ran 11 miles for the training of my first half. Gorgeous views!

The theme is obviously "space" since it's on the Space Coast. The race is celebrating 40 years! I can't wait.


Finishers medals:

I may or may not be addicted! :-) Mostly though, I signed up because I need motivation to keep running. Also because I live on the Space Coast and wanted to be a part of this prestegious race for the sake of history! I found that after my first half I felt "accomplished" and gave myself permission to slack a bit. However I want to keep up the momentum. Signing up for races is expensive, but worth it if it keeps me going!

I decided that at this rate, I need to make some sort of plaque to hang my medals (I also plan to run another one here in Melbourne in February with Jen and my sister). I swear I saw something like this on Pinterest but of course didn't pin it, and now for the life of me I can't find it! Anyone have ideas??

Friday, October 28, 2011

Inspiration for Friday

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."

- Franklin D Roosevelt

Monday, October 17, 2011

unfounded optimism

It feels spiritual to minimize our troubles: “It’s not really that bad,” when confronted with financial turbulence; “Cheer up,” when awash in grief; “Keep on the sunny side,” when standing in the rain.

It’s true that there’s plenty in life to mope about, plenty to feed an Eeyore complex. And we know that discouragement is a weight that will sink any ship. But unfounded optimism is as damaging as unfounded pessimism because both are forms of dishonesty.

If your ship is sinking, admitting it opens the way to glorifying God for His deliverance when it comes.

(exerpt from Seeing the Invisible blog here)

"Let us hold fast
the confession of our hope without wavering,
for He who promised is faithful."

Hebrews 10:23

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Babies are everywhere

I'm just going to put it out there -- I am sort of depressed about this baby stuff. I'm sorry if I talk about it alllllll the time, but sometimes I just can't get it off my mind.

I feel like it's raining babies. The other week I went through my facebook and counted everyone that was either pregnant or had a baby within the past month. Twenty-five friends are either parents already or are going to become parents, and I'm so sad I'm not one of them.

I'm not looking for a pity party... not at all. I'm just admitting how much of a struggle this is for me sometimes. SOME days, I'm totally cool with it, happy with my dogs as my "girls" and enjoying the freedom to drink, travel, and sleep all night long. Trust me, I know what I've got and I'm grateful. My heart just wants that other thing that is missing, and sometimes it hurts.

My good friend Tiffani just had her baby girl on Saturday night. I am so happy for her and her hubby! Look at this adorable little thing!

(sooo jealous ;-)

I haven't been able to meet Ms. Liliana yet, but I think we're going to bring them dinner tomorrow night and hang out a little bit. I'm so excited! I can't imagine how Tiff must be feeling, and I'm beyond happy for her.

But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I want that. I want exactly what she has - a perfect little girl. After she texted me this weekend with the announcement, I've really been having a hard time. I've been testing and I'm pretty sure I'm NOT going to ovulate this month, so that's another let down. So much of me is just plain tired of trying. It's been almost a year, and it's truly wearing on me. Also this weekend we cleaned out our third, "extra" room that we've been calling the dogs room, but is really being saved for a nursery. It looks so good all cleaned out (in preperation for Thanksgiving guests) but I was sitting there imagining it painted pink and all decorated. It's all sad and plain white and boring... it wants to be painted pink, I just know! ;-) 

I had a doctors appointment last week, and she said that in two months she will send us to an infertility specialist if we're still not pregnant (IF I ovulate every month, which doesn't look like it's happening either.... &*^@#$&ck). I know there are couples who try for years but I just can't imagine that. It's only been one year and I'm so over the pill-taking, pee-stick testing, doctor-appointment making madness.

This morning on the way to work I had a little talk with God and just really asked him to get me to the place where I can accept whatever the future holds. I'm ready to throw in the towel and start taking classes and go through the process to adopt a baby. But then I see Tiffani with her little girl and my heart aches for that feeling. I just don't know if I'd feel the same way about an adopted baby. But what if that becomes our reality? What if that is God's plan? Can I accept it?

I know, this is crazy talk. But it's in my head, and I just want to get to the place that I can accept whatever God's plan is. I also need Eric to get there, but that is going to be on his own time. I am a believer in everything happening for a reason. I know God's timing is perfect. I know all thing will work out for the best in the end.

But knowing and believing are two, completely seperate paths.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

13.1 miles DONE!!

So excited to report that I've finished my first half marathon!!!

The race was at Epcot this past Saturday. I started in the last corral at about 10:20PM, and I finished in about 2 hours and 50 minutes, with a pace of about 13 minutes per mile.

Race map:

YAY! I feel accomplished and can't wait for the next one! :-)