Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Secret blog reveal #1: It's hard work getting pregnant

Lucky for you I've decided to post the entries on my "secret baby blog" on this blog!

Remember, I'll start posting from the beginning, so a lot has changed since then. But here is the first post, on March 3rd:

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Truth: I should've started this blog five months ago. That is when we decided to stop using the glorious invention called birth control and give unprotected sex a try. I knew it would happen eventually... sometime around two years of marriage is what we decided. By November of 2010 it was more like two and a half years, so I knew it was time. I just was.


It took me months to "be ok" with it, and to come to the point of no return birth control. I had always been terrified of getting pregnant, like ever since I started having sex. Every month I would take that ring out and anxiously await my period, nearly jumping for joy when it finally arrived. It's such a mental switch when you go from trying so hard for something not to happen, to trying so hard to make it happen.

Let's go back and review the past few months ...

November: Stopped using BC, thought I would get pregnant immediately... but also knew I should give my body a month or two to get back into the swing of things without the BC. I forumulated an entire plan that was based around my time off at work. I planned to get prego in like January, have the kid in September, take three months off work (October, November and December) and then go back to work in January of 2012. It was the perfect plan, and fell in line with my paid time off I would have accumulated at work, the rollover of the new year, etc.

I must say, I'm good at making plans.

I distinctly remember having lunch with Jen and telling her this plan. What she should have done is laugh in my face, but instead she said something along the lines of, "Steph, things don't always happen the way we plan..." and as I nodded and said, "Oh, I know!" I was in total denial inside. Why the hell wouldn't my plan work? It's always worked in the past, so why not now? How am I not in control of this too?

December: Really wanted to get prego this month so we could surprise our families at Christmas. But we also bought a house this month so needless to say, it's probably a good thing that I didn't get knocked up.

January: Ok, time is running out for my plan. Time to get serious. Downloaded the "Magic Day" app on my phone so I could track my period, every time we have sex, and when I'm supposed to ovulate. Still nothing. So far I've told four people that we're actually trying: Nik, Jen, Sarah and Callie. They are sworn to secrecy.

Truth: sometimes I was secretly happy I wasn't prego so I could still drink on the weekends. Sinner.

February: No more messing around, time to buy the ovulation sticks. I don't trust the Magic Day app too much, it's not scientific enough. These pee sticks better work... afterall, it costs $50 for 20 of them! That means every morning I'm peeing on something that costs $2.50! Highway robbery. Besides, out of 30 days, I only get two that are worthwhile! Those are really sucky odds, so this shit better work.

March: I still don't know about Feb/March because my cycle is going for so long. It's different every month. The first month it was exactly 28 days (which has NEVER happened, in all my nearly 26 years of life... ok only about 11 or 12 that count), which I was really excited about. Then, it went to 30, then 35.. and now who knows. That's part of what prompted me to buy the pee sticks, because I am worried I'm not ovulating at all. I still have yet to see a smiley face. According to the Magic Day my period is supposed to start next Wednesday, but it also said I was ovulating last week. I'm so confused.

I realize that through all of this I seem like a control freak. But really I'm not .......ok so I am a little bit. But somehow I just thought my life would be like Katherine Heigel on "Knocked Up" and it would just happen in the blink of an eye, without trying, on a drunken night of wild, unprotected sex.

Not so much. It's hard work getting pregnant.

I'm sure eventually I'll be ok with it and just let it be. But for now I really, really want to make sure everything is working down there and that nothing is wrong. Because by then we'll have wasted like a year, and I'd rather find out now if I need to be doing something special than when it's too late.

Hi, my name is Stephanie and I'm a control freak.

3 comments:

  1. You are one crazy woman! lol. We are praying you get pregnant soon with that adorable little granddaughter we all want!! :)

    Can't wait until July!!!

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  2. Thanks for sharing this. I'm crossing my fingers for you!!

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  3. I've watched several of my friends go through the painful process of trying to get pregnant. My only suggestion (since I totally don't want a baby just yet) is to not let it get you depressed. You have to remember someone else has a plan for when this is all going to happen for you.

    I a girl who spent literally $75,000 on fertility treatments with no success, was then told she would never conceive again even though she had a daughter already, quit the drugs and was pregnant 2 months later with TWINS!

    Keep your head up and I'm sure it will happen soon :)

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