I am not the type of person to put out the details of my life out there for the world to see. Heck, my husband is lucky to pry me open enough so that I'll tell him. I'm very private, consertative, and quiet. Something I'm learning about myself is that I like keeping things inside because it's safer that way. The secrets are safe with me. I'm still in control. I can choose to tell you or choose not to.
Apparently, in real life this makes me come across as sort of a snob and someone who has a perfect life. Because when I pick and choose what I want to share, I rarely share my struggles, but only the "fun" and "happy" things in my life. No one can critcize those things, and neither are they very controversial.
However, I am also not being honest.
For those who know me, they know I am far from having the perfect life, and that I do struggle with a lot of things. I think if most people knew the inner workings of my mind they would run in the opposite direction as quickly as possible.
But maybe, just maybe, there are people out there who would appreciate the honesty, the struggle, the sometimes frightening/depressing/confusing inner workings of my brain. Maybe if I start sharing the "whole Stephanie" I would find some friends who share the same struggles, and who are genuine, honest, caring people.
Because to be quite honest, I'm pretty much fet up with most of the people who I have considered to be my friends in recent years. The few individuals I've met since moving over here three years ago are good to party with, good to have lunch with on occasion, and are in general good people. But they are not meeting that soul need I have... that I'm basically dying on the inside for... the people who know you, who can tell you the truth, who you can