Thursday, May 19, 2011

As promised...

So in a recent post I said I was going to start being more honest and vulnerable. While it may be a stretch to say that typing something into a blog is "vulnerable", to me it's a step in the right direction.

I've decided to tell you guys something that I've kept hidden pretty well for about six months, and only a few people know. I didn't tell many people because I don't like being asked alllllllllll the time about it, or being the center of attention, or having people worry about me or feel sorry for me. Those things I hate.

So please, don't do any of those things! :)

Bascially, we've been trying to get pregnant since November. Bam. There, I said it.

I'm not sure why it's been so hard for me to talk about (other than the reasons stated above), except that I thought we would get preg right away and I could then start talking about it. Except, pretty much the opposite has happened. It's taking forever, we're having problems, and now I'm struggling and can't talk about it. Or, didn't think I could, but now I'm choosing to.

Yesterday, my period started for the first time in three months. And NOT because I'm preg. It's because I have something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which I discovered about three weeks ago by my doctor. I've had irregular periods for, like, ever. The only time they were regular is when I was on birth control for about three years right up until I got off it in November of last year. Then they slowly started going back to the typical "crazy", and then it started becoming months - two and three months - apart. NOT normal.

So my doctor told me I have POS (yeah,  it feels like a piece of shit!), gave me a prescription for some medication (progesterone) that I take for 10 days, and then should have my period. Apparently it works, but let me tell you, the first period you have after not having one for three months is a bitch. Just trust me on that.

I don't write this for sympathy or pity or whatEVER. I write it for me, to start sharing what is really going on with me and what I'm actually struggling with. My life is far from perfect. I struggle with feeling like something is wrong with me because of not being able to get pregnant. And the longer it goes, the more I want to have a baby and the more I feel like a failure.

At first when we started trying, I was like "Eh, I could take it or leave it" and if it happened, it happened. But now... I'm like so ready. Sure there are things I'll have to sacrifice and work harder at, but I'm totally there. Plus, it's like my OB said - once you start trying, you'll see babies on every corner and suddenly all of your friends, cousins and sisters are pregnant. True story.

Also, I started a "secret" blog about trying to get preg just so I could write and no one would know. The blog only has like six or seven posts, and I'm debating posting them so you can see the background. Part of what prompted me to talk about this whole thing, is because I see how differently I write when I know no one is going to read it. It's funnier, way more honest, and more interesting. I've gotta start getting over myself and start writing like a real person, regardless of who reads this.

Thanks for listening... you guys are the best! Now I feel so much better and will start talking about it for real! Haha.

8 comments:

  1. So, since you have stated above you dont want people to feel bad for you and all, I wont say Im sorry, or that things will get better and such, but..I will say this.
    Having personally known you in real life (not just bloggy world)and worked a summer with you, I think you will make an amazing mommy!
    I'll be praying for you!
    XOXO

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  2. i really like the "vulnerable" stephanie:)
    your post is beautifully honest...and most importantly, REAL!!

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  3. I'm not going to post the typical, "that sucks and I'm sorry deal" because you already know that! But I will just say that God has a plan for EVERYONE and when you do get pregnant you'll be so happy that you'll totally forget about this time. I'm already aware that I'm going to have a hard time getting pregnant bc of my endometriosis and I'm still not sure if I even want kids at all. I think its good to share things like this because there are a lot of women that can relate :)

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  4. Thank you for writing this. Being open and honest is hard, but can be so, so rewarding.

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  5. Thanks for being vulnerable. I still treasure some very sincere, vulnerable convos we had as teens. Love you, girl!

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  6. I have so much more respect for you now. Thank you for being open and honest! I know it's hard sometimes. I read a few blogs where the women struggled to get pregnant for a while and it's made me so much more aware. I hope you find comfort in those blogs. It probably helps to find women who have been through this and talk to them about it.

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  7. I agree with Amber....I like the "vulnerable" Steph. This is a nice post. I would love to read your secret blog if you ever decide to release it to the wild lol.

    I have several friends and family members who are struggling with, and who have struggled with, what you are dealing with now. A couple of them have their own blogs and I know it has helped them. Sharing helps :) Busted baby makers run in my family lol. I don't look forward to the day when I potentially have to go through what you're dealing with. Hang in there.

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  8. wow.. don't know how much your doc has told you about this.. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome - but basically it means you're not ovulating you don't ovulate you don't get preggers. i know for a fact there are LOTS of signs for it 3 of which are irregular period, weight you can NEVER lose and unwanted problem hair - this is a lot more popular syndrome then you think and there are some natural things you can do to regulate your body! i would HIGHLY suggest "making babies" which is a book i talked about a couple posts ago on my blog under - "library books for may" they have a whole chapter on this and will really help you i think! good luck!

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