I went to bed about 30 minutes ago. I'm laying here and get a brainstorm for a blog, so I text Eric to bring me his laptop. (yes he's in the living room a few steps away... so? ha!) Here goes nothing.
I'm jealous of the people holed in up north and their "snow days" who are getting paid not to work.
I'm jealous of my dogs sleeping at my feet without a care in the world.
I'm jealous of my friends going on "fab" girls trips.
I'm jealous of those who have enough money to spend on said fab trips.
Earlier tonight I was struggling with being content. Hence, the word "jealous" you see so many times here. I tried to shove it down, and tell myself that I am perfectly happy being a "homebody" who likes hanging out with her husband and dogs, watching Tosh.0 and Modern Family on a Wednesday night. I'm ok with cooking dinner, doing some schoolwork, and watching tv. I have a happy life and a great job.
I'm content with that.
As I crawled into bed and pulled out my phone to peruse Facebook one last time, there it was again. The reminder that I'm not the popular girl planning trips all over the country at a moments notice. The reminder that most of my friends and family live far away. The reminder that even if I had been invited on a "fab" girls trip, I would probably feel left out because I'm not like them. I love them - they're my friends - but I feel like I don't fit in with them anymore sometimes. I can't explain it.
Eric brought me roses at work today, and then he took me out to lunch.
We just bought our first house on McClain Drive.
Eric just started a new job, which he loves, but doesn't leave him much room to take any time off in the next several months.
I couldn't go on a fab girls trip anyway, because I'll be managing a national conference with over 250 people attending... all counting on me. I can't wait. I've been planning this thing for months, and it will be the experience of a lifetime... a totally incredible opportunity. I seriously can't wait. February 16-18, 2011.
But see, it took me all evening to remember... those are the things that make me lucky. As I was telling Eric how jealous I am of these other people as he kissed me goodnight, he said, "Babe, I don't know what to say to make you feel not jealous of them."
"The only way I wouldn't feel jealous anymore is if I was going on a "fab" trip with MY girls."
"Well... you can take a fab trip to McClain Drive."
Somtimes, the truth hits you like a ton of bricks. Eric was joking, of course, but I don't think he realized the truth he was telling.
See, here is where I'm happy. It's home. It has everything I love.
Right now I can't afford to go anywhere, much less pay my hairdresser for some highlights. I have a crazy, full-time job that I love, I go to school full-time, and I honestly wouldn't trade it for anything else. Sure a trip would be nice, and I am hoping to plan one sometime this year, but it may just be something small.
But for now, I'm ok with that...with our life. It's ours. We've made it ours, and will continue to do so for the rest of our lives.
We'll just pop open a bottle of wine and have a date in the hot tub... on our back porch.
I'm the luckiest girl in the world.