Have you ever felt like everything you're doing is "blah"? Like you can't get out of the "boring" rut? Like everything is the same, people are whiny, and you're just so tired of it all? Nothing seems to excite you; similarly, nothing bothers you.
It's a strange, hanging-in-the-middle feeling nothingness.
I feel sorry for you if you've ever felt like that, because I am now. It sucks.
I really do think it's the month of August. There are no holidays, it's near the end of summer and close to the beginning of fall - but neither one especially. Summer vacations are over. The weather is unbearably hot and humid... you long for a new season just so you can decorate your house and wear new clothes. Yet, the days go by in a haze of sameness.
I've been telling my husband for weeks that I want... I need... a vacation. Anything. A four-day weekend at the beach, staying in a hotel. A week in the Smokey Mountains in a cozy cabin, and we can take our dogs. Taking a road trip somewhere we've never been. Being spontaneous and not even knowing where we're going... just take a few days off, start driving, and decide when we see it. (I want to do this so badly, but this is not terribly exciting to the husband. He is far to practical, literal, logical, and any other "al" adjective you can think of. This is so. not. happening.)
"Just something," I told him. "I need something to look forward to."
A change in the scenery, a break in the monotony.
Yet, as much as I'm sure he wants a vacation too, there really isn't one in sight for us. The unknown situation of his job (looking worse as time closes in on the deadline) makes our financial situation unknown. He can't take a vacation right after he starts a new job, but he can't go on vacation if he doesn't have a job either.
I am, in every way possible, stuck in the middle.
Regardless, as much as I hate this time, it is definitely the calm before the storm. The remaining months of 2010 are sure to be the craziest yet. There is the potential for almost anything to happen, and it all depends on Eric's job.
We could potentially get a new house, move into yet another apartment, or we may stay where we're at.
Eric could work here in Melbourne, or we may move to Orlando, Osceola, or Kissimmee where he could work as a police officer. Or, the best option yet (in my opinion) he could work at the Cape not as a cop. We could get pregnant this year, or have to wait until next year.
I have decided to just stop thinking about all the possible combinations of problems/solutions that could possibly, maybe, maybe-not happen. They are driving me insane. I've got to stop trying to solve it all, and just let it happen the way it's going to happen anyway.
In the mean time, I'm still sticking to my guns that I need a vacation.
Don't you agree?